The pendulum of avoidance

I've been on a pendulum my whole adult life where I focus on budget for a period of time then swing the other way and ignore (ahem- avoid) looking at my budget for a number of reasons: fear, shame, guilt, "ignorance is bliss", false confidence, etc.

 

Much of this came from college life. I would get money from student loans at the beginning of the semester, I would pay my rent, my meal plan, my books, everything for the next few months. Then I would cleverly and intentionally avoid looking at my decreasing balance. It was just easier than having to deal with being broke, which always coincided with finals- a thrilling combination.

Then I enter the adult world. I get paid monthly and have my bills auto-paid each month. Then, I cleverly and intentionally avoid looking at my decreasing balance. It is just easier than having to deal with being (mostly) broke, usually coinciding with holidays and family visits- a thrilling combination.

The good news- I'm not in bad financial standing (by my standards at least). I have key things taken out of my paycheck before I ever see them so I know I can survive longterm (retirement, health insurance, autopay most monthly bills, etc).


The bad news- I suck at saving. More than that, I suck so much that I have credit card debt. Credit card debt feels fine if you are ok paying a minimum each month. However, it won't feel fine when life happens.

That's where I am right now. I've decided that I hate the amount of rent I pay on my apartment. It is nice and worth the price. However, I'd rather pay less each month, have a dog, and have some ownership of where I live.

So, I met with a realtor to find out the steps of home ownership. Turns out, step one is getting pre-approval for a mortgage. Not unexpected, just a completely abstract concept to someone who has always rented.

That's when it hits: I don't have enough for a down payment. Heck, I have credit card debt. There is no way I can afford even a meager house without asking parents for help. As someone determined to prove my independence and someone who hates saying no, I've developed a plan.

The whole point of this blog:

• I am committed to eliminating my credit card debt and saving for a down-payment in the year 2015. 
• I will determine my success by this time next year (December).
• I have a number of ways to try to accomplish this: 
• do part time work to earn extra $$
• cooking at home more, eating out less
• no buying new stuff
• getting rid of the random expenses that pop up (i.e. yearly subscriptions) 
• pay with cash (based on my monthly budget- when it's gone, it's gone)
• really do a budget- EVERY.SINGLE.MONTH.

I'll expand on each of these in later blogs. I just know that I do best when others hold me accountable and when I have a real goal to work towards.